A year and a half ago I went home to be with my mother who was in her 6th year of fighting breast cancer. The first day back home my mother shared that her doctor just told her she had 6 months (maybe) to live. I kept a journal everyday that summer to remember the moments and help myself with the pain. After she died in August, I had to go back to life–it kept moving, even if I didn’t want it to. But, the journals were still there.
In those first few months back in Philadelphia, away from my family and forever away from my mother, I read the journals a lot. As they were a repeated comfort to me, I realized that they might also be a comfort to others. I began to feel strongly that I wanted to write and share my mothers incredible story. She had faced cancer with as much joy and as many parties as she could. I thought, “She can still help other people. Her story deserves to be told!”
So I made this huge, grief-induced statement to myself and others that, “I’m going to write a book!!!” and that way my mother will still be here with me, at least in the words, at least a little bit.
I worked and worked on my journal, my mother’s journals, and wrote my own memories to link them all together, but the more I wrote still the further my mother was away from me.
Mary Karr suggests in “The Art of Memoir” that you should let at least 2 years pass before you write about a personal experience. I now see the wisdom in her words.
I’m going to let time pass. I’m going to work to allow myself to accept peace over my mother passing. I have been walking the path that grief takes you on and finally feel out of the heaviest clouds.
And, I’m also going to write this book, dammit! But, this time with less angst. This time I’m going to take my time and do it with peace.
In the mean time, I still want to share my writing. So, (long story short) that’s why I’ve created this blog that I’m sharing with you today! I’m going to share a little bit of my writing along the way, and a lot of what I’ve been typing out over the past year and a half.
Those of you who knew my mother Carol, I hope that you can share with me in remembering her (as I do every day). And those of you who don’t, may the empathy that you find weave our souls together to bring you comfort and joy in whatever life gives you.
Happy reading, thanks for all the love.