A Toast to Carol–Celebrating Love and Family 5 Years Later

Five years ago Brandon and I gathered with each other for a Celebration of Love and Family.  We knew that my mother was dying and wanted to have this special moment with her.  It wasn’t a wedding–it was a lot more (and less) than that.  It was our own thing and I’m so glad that it happened–I’m so glad to celebrate, cry, remember, and share about it today.

My mother had told our family that if there was any other city where she would like to have lived it would be Coeur D’Alene, Idaho–so that’s where my dad Joel, brother Jon, partner Brandon, and I met to celebrate 5 years after our celebration and 5 years since we mother died.  Today we toasted to the memory of my mom and to each other. We gathered together again to celebrate our love and our family–5 glasses of wine (1 for her and each of us), her ashes, and shared readings from our Celebration Ceremony.  After laughing, crying, and drinking our wine–with a word of gratitude we threw her glass out into the lake.  I think she would enjoy it out there.

My mother loved to share, loved love, and loved to bring everyone into the family.  Please, today, if you want to add your own words of celebration of love and family I know it would honor my mother and it will bring us all joy to hear it.  Below I’ve shared my own written celebration of love for my mom and for Brandon that I read at our ceremony. 

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To my dear mom Carol and to my partner Brandon:

Mom,

When I think about today in my mind it’s actually about you.  I couldn’t be happier to share a part of my life with you and I couldn’t be happier for you to have a significant moment in your own life of dedicating you daughter to someone she loves.  

When I look to the future I usually want to stop looking–but the strong part of me that knows I will go on knows I will always have you with me. See, because you are so much a part of me: you are a part of how I see the world, you are part of when I laugh, you are a part of why I’m nice to people, and you are a part of why I plan parties when I know something terrible is going to happen.

And, you are a part of why I’m with Brandon.  You always told me I deserved the best, in fact you kind of gave me a complex 🤔 But lots of good came out of it too because you encouraged me to be with someone who had the capability to grow, to be adventurous with me, to challenge me, and to love me back…and Brandon is all of those things.

Mom, It’s hard for me to think about loving anyone more than I love you.  You are my mother; you have been my best friend.  I talk to you when I’m sad, when I’m happy, when I’m angry.  You where one of the only people I went to when I had no idea how to feel, what to do, or even how to say it.  And you have ALWAYS been there for me.  Always.  Every phone call, every late night.  

But now, Brandon is that too.

And I know when that day comes that I do have to say goodbye, that the passing will be a bit easier because he’s going to be here with me. He’s going to sit with me, hold me, listen to me, and be so many of those things that you’ve been for me. 

I love you and I couldn’t be happier to share this day with you.

Brandon,

I told you last night that I don’t like to be raw with my feelings about love in front of other people, but I realized that’s actually a lie–I just need to write it down and then I’m a waterfall of affection.  So, let me shower on you for a little bit.

I don’t know what I’d do or what state I’d be in without you.  When I feel like I need to be a rock for everyone you let me be weak and still know that I have strength.  You listen to me, you encourage me, you motivate me to be the kind of person I aspire to be, and you change.

And that’ something that’s made me want to, and be happy to, stay.  You’re willing to try the uncomfortable emotions, the scary new environments, the challenging situations.  That’s how I want to live my life, so it’s nice that we an do it together.

There’s actually quite a few things I like about the way you live:

You’re not perfect, and I love that about you.

You are so fun–you get drunk with me and you’ll stay up past midnight.

You finally learned how to argue with me and now you can’t stop. 😋

But, when we do argue you always try to hear my side, to understand where I’m coming from,, and you respect me even if you think I’m so totally wrong.

You’re now a push-over–I need someone who’s just as stubborn as me.

You don’t give up. You believe in having dreams.  You go after them and then dream even bigger.

You make me feel safe, so loved, and beautiful.

You are okay without me…but damn does it feel good to have you want me by your side.  

You make me watch shooting stars with you, you go camping with me, you keep trying new things.

You laugh at me, with me, and make me laugh sometimes too.

You want to travel the world and help as much as you can along the way.

So, no matter what happens, whether we stay together for our whole lives or the opposite, I know that I love who you are and I’m so happy for the things we get to share together.

Brandon, you are me rock and my wings, my lightness and my weight.

Let’s keep doing the impossible together.

Sending love and joy out to you all today.  Thank you for all the ways you’ve touched our lives and the ways you continue to honor and carry on Carol’s memory.