My mom and I cheesing. I always love seeing my moms big smile.
This picture with my mom is from my golden birthday (when I turned 26 on December 26th for those of you not in the Midwest wondering what the hell a golden birthday is). My mom went all out (like she always would, especially for birthdays) and got gold EVERYTHING to make it a truly golden birthday. I remember doing our usual runs to all the places she had researched that would give me free stuff for my birthday and her loving every minute of it. She brought so much life to every situation!
Today, it’s her birthday. I can’t celebration with her, but we are still here and can bring her light to each other.
Today I also spoke with a student who just recently lost her dad. It reminded me of how intense and painful it is to lose a parent who is also your best friend. I thought about how much the pain has faded and been replaced with gratitude…but also how much I miss my mom and still wish all the time that I could share so much of life’s connections with her.
Thinking of her brought me to this email I wrote on
Mon, Apr 16, 2012:
It was so good to talk to you tonight! After seeing you for four straight days it’s hard not to hear your voice, and laugh, and encouraging words every day. 🙂
–
I tagged you in a Facebook post about telling me that I was going to have the best Monday ever 🙂 and then had ruchi respond with this as a comment:
Ruchi: your mom is one of the most positive, hopeful, cheery people i know! it’s impossible to be down around her. i want you to have the best monday ever now too!!!
–
It was so sweet and actually made me start thinking and get overwhelmed with tears as I was getting ready for bed, brushing teeth, washing my face, that sort of thing. I admire you so much mom. I can’t imagine anyone else I’d rather be like. You’re not only fun, and encouraging, and brighten the room, but you are someone I want to be. I’m so proud everyday to be your daughter. I can’t imagine our family, my life, my world without having all that you are and have been in it.
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I was thinking tonight about how many things I still want to share with you….I really love Brandon, I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else anymore.
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I want you to be there if we get married. I want you to be there when I have kids someday. I want to call you up when I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, and I know you’ll know exactly what to say. I want to ask you how to cook something …and what to do when I can’t think of any answers…and maybe I just need to cry or have you tell me it’s okay.
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It’s really hard for me to imagine not sharing these things with you. Most of the times I try not to think about it. A lot of times I just try and be strong. Most of the time I’m really positive and keep believing good health will come to you. I want all the best things in the world for you ever 🙂
Always though I love you…
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So I want to tell you I’ll fight with you as long and as hard as we need. I’ll be on the phone when you need. I’ll fly home if you just really need a visit. I’ll be there for you in any way that I can.
–
I love you mom.
Let’s share lots of life together,
Betsy
And we did.
Back at 25 (this was before that great golden birthday pic) I wasn’t as understanding about life as I am now. I didn’t know how death affects everyone sooner or later, I didn’t understand how I could lose my mom and still carry her with me.
But now I do, and god am I so grateful to have her legacy to remember and try to carry on.
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I said “Happy Birthday, Carol” today. I miss her so much. I know what it’s like to lose a mom, but I wasn’t as close to her as you were to Carol
..if you ever want to talk, I’m here. Sandi
Thank so much sis for the post! Indeed, the pain has faded, and been replaced with gratitude!